Sufficient love

In an Advent reflection I was reading this morning about the connection between love and joy and the disappointment of others not loving us enough to a level that is sufficient, it suggested that you write down on slips of paper the names of people who fail to love you enough and to place those names in the manger and to take back a piece of the straw as a reminder that Emmanuel was born to give you more than enough love.

This idea took me back to my Grandmother's funeral service. She had passed 4 years ago, shortly after the New Year and before the end of the Christmas season. The manger was still set up at the communion rail on the side where I was sitting. As I processed back to my seat after receiving the Eucharist, I leaned over the communion rail and took a piece of straw from the manger.

The reflection goes on to say, we should ask God to give us a supernatural ability to become aware of His love. As I read this, I filled with tears since I was so fortunate to have that love from my Nanny, as we so fondly called her. I still have that piece of straw and it sits on the window sill above my kitchen sink. It is a daily reminder of the gift she was to me and the love she showed me.

There is irony in this. Nanny was born illegitimately  and was rejected by her own mother and raised by her great-grandmother. She was tolerated as a child, not loved. She aspired to join the convent when she turned eighteen. But, because of her birth rite she was denied entrance. This was intriguing to me as I didn't learn about her desire to join the convent until a few years before she passed. We were talking about how large the family was and it was all because of her and Pappy. When she responded, "And to think, I was going to be a nun". Had her dream come true, I would not exist. That's strange to think about.

In addition to her rejection in her childhood and her rejection from the convent, she suffered years of depression while her own children were young. Yet, she was never bitter or hateful. So, I find it comforting in a way that, despite the fact that she had many people and circumstances in her life where I'm sure she did not feel loved enough, she was the person in my life who loved me enough. And that piece of straw from the Manger scene of Christmas four years ago, that to this day sits on my kitchen window sill, reminds me to love others like she did. It may not have been a perfect, complete and without limitations love but it was sufficient enough for me.

Anticipation

     Today is a day of much anticipation. Not yet moved to tears, but I'm sure in the next twenty-four hours I will be. Tomorrow, my first born will be walking as a college graduate. A milestone of epic and academic proportions. Oh, I always expected he would make it to this day as he always had a great work ethic about him. As the mom, (and now I'm tearing up) it's a time of great blessing to go back and reflect on the time, energy and faith shared to get here. Congratulations Kevin!
     I also anticipate the arrival of my baby girl home for winter break from college. It is always nice to be able to hug her. She's become my best friend. (and again, I'm tearing up)
How blessed I am to be in this moment. Praise God!